okayy, let's start with the past. last time, u told me u like me. it came as a shock to me obviously. and i don't feel the same way. but since then, u and i became closer than before but i was aware that we were just friends. it was great until one day i decided that i liked u back. only i was unsure if i really do or not. it was confusing for me cos i didnt really know if i can feel that way towards you. as u said before, we were totally different. in religion, in our age, in our perspective of the world. i decided to give it a shot, give you a chance. but then u decided we can't be together becos of our huge differences. i was upset, i avoided u. but then i realise that i didnt really want u as a boyfriend either. i just like your presence. u being with me is all i need to make me happy. yes, i was fickle. i didnt know what i really want at that time.

after we kinda make up, we became even closer. closer to the relationship status even tho we aren't tgt and never will be. at first i was ok with it. but then i felt a little afraid cos we were getting a little more serious and i really didnt know what to do or what i was doing. i shouldn't have let u hold my hand. i'm sorry. sorry if u ever think i was leading u on or sth. cos i have no intentions of doing that. i know i'm not prepared for that, and i was just freaking out at that point and didnt know what to do. im in the middle of wanting u to back off a little and at the same time i don't want to hurt ur feelings or disappoint u. thats what i know i didnt want u to do. i've been trying to find a way to slowly let u go. without u being sad or upset. and i guess i hadn't really done a good job. so im sorry again. another reason why i wanna let u go is because i feel tha sooner or later we are gonna be seperated, me liking another guy or u liking another girl etc. that could happen and i dont want u to get even more upset than u alrdy are. so yeah, that's the main reason. u're alrdy upset when i keep "complimenting" other guys. and i dont want that to happen ever time cos u know, i'm born boy crazy :/

but now, i've open up my eyes and know what i want. i want us to be JUST friends. a helping hand, a listening ear. i want us to be besties that shares secrets and crushes and what besties do. i know i'm asking for a lot but i just wanna make this clear that i dont want us to be tgt and even act like one. i know u dont want false pretenses and neither do i. we can't kid ourselves any longer. cos i actually cnt take it anymore. i feel guilty that all these happen and i didnt do my best to solve it. so i'm solving this now. i hope u understand this msg and i'm once again sorry if i ever hurt u in any way. cos i cnt help myself from being a big fat bitch :/

hope this clears things up.

i don't mind if u hate me after this.

cos i know i deserved it.